The Return of Bio-Drizzt!
by BioDrizzt
Summary: My return, and stuff. First fic for a few monts. R&R, and stuff.


'Tis time, my friends.  
You knew it would happen.  
I haven't written for months.  
Months.  
But you knew it would happen.  
You knew that sometime I would return to shatter The Dark Magus' sanity.  
Once again.  
And here is how it all happened.  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Once, on a quiet, summer day, God tapped away at his keyboard in heaven.  
Intent on shattering The Dark Magus' sanity, followed by a visit to the nice,  
padded cell that they had prepared for him.  
But then, lo and behold, something dawned on him.  
No. More. CHEESY POOFS! There was much sorrow, and he was forced to eat  
his mouse. There was much rejoicing. But then he realized. How could he click  
' America Online  
click to start '  
Without his mouse?! Oh, good lord. He threw his hands in the air and screamed,  
blood-curdling..ly, and there was much rejoicing. Suddenly, the world of his newly  
created fic opened up before him.  
And there was much rejoicing.  
The ' Jerry Springer ' logo arose from the darkness, illuminated by luminescent  
columns of indigo light! Garnet sat in the electric chair labeled ' Angry Incest-sex-crazed grandmother, '  
and the censors died a horrible, nasty death. Suddenly, Zidane appeared on the scene, toting a  
gargantuan opossum, which he used to beat Jerry Springer to a pulp, cackling manically.  
A convulsing cat-boy appeared next to Zidane, taking the opossum, and devouring it whole.  
There was much manical cackling between the two, and Zidane finally decided he wasn't going  
to take this. Diving into the crowd ( Rows upon rows of cardboard figures), he suddenly realized-  
He was being watched. Suddenly, gasp, he appeared back at home, safe in his bed.  
Another day at .. the house.  
Chilling music began to play, and he threw a bottle of platonium at a speaker upon his wall.  
With a squeak, the speaker fell from the wall, dying a horrible, pain-filled death.  
Zidane hopped out of bed, the sole surviving goldfish hiding behind his cactus,  
the sounds of bubbling water emitting.. ' Shit son! Ehehehehe! '  
Zidane progressed into the kitchen, and suddenly, Vivi emerged from beneath the table with Snoop Dogg  
CD in hand. Zidane squealed, and turned, pausing to grab his special Canibus-brand mug, then proceeding on,  
at an oddly slow, nightmarish pace. Vivi followed, at an equally slow, nightmarish pace,  
shouting random obscenities. Suddenly, a meteor crashed through the room, smooshing Vivi's big toe.  
There was much rejoicing as Vivi dropped the CD dramatically, an emphasized ' Noooooooooo~! ' escaping his throat.  
Zidane continued to run, a frightening theme beginning to play. He turned, and opened a white, oaken door,  
which happened to have a sign reading ' Keep the fuck out if you want to keep your nuts! ' on it .  
Garnet appeared before him, in a rather lewd, leather G-string-like-suit . She cackled, holding a knife labeled ' I told you so '  
high above her head, little jars with mens' testicles floating around in them, looming menacingly behind her.  
Zidane squeaked, and keeled over, dying a horrible death. Garnet exploded. But no one assumed that either was dead,  
so they appeared once more, only this time, somewhere off in the desert. The clouds opened up and God looked down upon them,  
and they laughed. There was much hatred as God turned, making his way to his bed, hopping in and crying most pitifully.  
Suddenly, Freya, Vivi, and Eiko appeared. Vivi slapped Eiko on the ass, and there was much laughter.  
Freya suddenly removed a block of cheese from some random place on her body, and grinned.  
' Last time I took this shit, I gnawed on my finger for three hours! ' There was much malevolent snickering,  
and everyone had a go, devouring it without mercy, except Eiko, who boggarted the cheese, hogging it all to herself.  
Freya turned Eiko about, and rammed her holy lance up Eiko's arse. Eiko popped, making deflating balloon sounds,  
and fluttered to the ground. There was much rejoicing as an Elton John song began in the background,  
a sign appearing. ' Dude, if the author of this fic had to take a urine test a few months ago, he would've been,  
like, soooo fucked. '  
  
And paint dried.  
  
The end. 


End file.
